Captain's Log 1/18/2016

So update on the past couple months .. My meds seem to have completely stopped working outside of helping me sleep but they're also making me lethargic .. I thought the upped dosage would helped but it hasnt really done much so maybe my body is too used to the meds .. Ive had a few mild anxiety attacks which the meds are supposed to stop completely so i have to change those to something stronger .. Ive also been about as depressed as i was before i started treatment and its only seeming to get worse as time progresses .. Like i feel im getting worse instead of better and not having a job to distract me from it isnt really helping my cause at all .. Ive also started seriously dating which has been a little difficult only because i feel like in the past few months he's only seen me down and not very happy so idk how thats gonna go .. I mean he's been great and very supportive and caring even without knowing everything im dealing with so maybe once i finally do share this blog w him it might help him understand me a little better .. I also have to start being more open with him because i upset him a few days ago unintentionally by now telling something about myself that he felt he should have known from before .. I didnt really get why it upset him at first because i figured its still stuff about him that i dont know but then at the same if we actually trying to build a relationship i should be just as open and honest w him as I expect/want him to be with me whether i think its good or bad so i guess when we both have the time we can sit and talk about everything .. Thinking about it now, as supportive of me as he's been so far, i should WANT to be completely open w him its just some walls i gotta let down because being so completely guarded not gonna work out in my favor .. Its scary but this is something i want to work out so i guess it's something i have to do .. Maybe being more open w him might make it easier for both of us especially if there's anything going on w either of us .. I gotta start taking my own advice and get better w communication if i really want this relationship to flourish like i think it can .. Hopefully everything starts to work out from this to being better mentally to finding a new job .. I wanna do better this year for myself both with and without help in all aspects of my life .. I just have to figure out where to start.