Captains Log 9/28/16

So the past month or so hasnt been very good but it REALLY got bad like two weeks ago .. been feeling very off and hella drained .. then outta nowhere i started spotting and it didnt get any heavier than that and when i googled, i was told it was possibly implantation bleeding  .. as if i needed to be pregnant on top of all the other shit i have going on. I told my ex and that didnt go over too well .. kinda felt like i was dealing w my daughters dad all over again w how he was acting .. like i was dealing w a whole new person .. on top of already feeling alone in a new city now i felt like i was being abandoned by the one person i kinda expected to always be there for me because they said they would be all i did for like a week was sleep and cry .. we got into a really bad argument Wednesday before i went to work and that whole shift i spent most of it in the bathroom crying .. i already wasnt feeling well that day so it kinda made things worse .. the spotting to a little heavier so i decided to go the the ER after work .. spent all night there and found out the stress my body was under that caused me to lose 20 lbs, also caused me to have a miscarriage.. told my ex and as i kinda expected he didnt really seem to care .. what really hurt was getting on snapchat a few hours later to hear "after the news i got earlier i feel like my life is finally headed in a positive direction" .. to me it was like ok glad my losing a child was the highlight of your day .. i started drinking heavily trying to just get thru the day .. that was Thursday.. i havent been sober since then and i dont see me getting there any time soon .. im not in a good place mentally at all .. i dont really have someone i feel i can confide in anymore like i did for the past two years so it's way harder .. i feel myself getting really close to a mental breakdown and thats really gonna suck but i dont have to support or coping skills to deal w shit like this so im just kinda stuck 😕